I never really new we were poor till my sixth Xmas. My Mother always kept the house clean, we always had food and before I started going to school, I was happy to play with pots, pans or a large cardboard box. When I went to first grade is when I learned that we were poor. It wasn't the crusts cut off of sandwiches or new shoes instead of hand-me-downs that first clued me in, it was the way other kids talked about their stuff. My stuff was my sisters stuff and my brothers shared stuff. Our whole family shared. I thought that was what everybody did. I didn't realize that stuff was meant to be personal. And I really didn't understand that there was a difference between kinds of stuff that had to do with money. That was new to me, stuff and money or actually money for stuff. So it was first grade where stuff became an issue for me.
I had never gotten a doll in a box, covered with cellophane and a big price sticker on the front. First grade means show and tell. Marcie came to show and tell with just such a box and I got the wants. The doll had eyes that opened and shut when it layed down, curly blonde hair, rosy red lips and cheeks and a fancy plaid turquoise dress with black patten leather shoes. It was amazing and Marcie wouldn't even pass it around, which is a rule of show and tell. She just walked up and down the isles with it. At lunch I asked Marcie where you get a doll like that and she said from Santa. Turns out it was an early Xmas present cause she was such a good girl, on account that her daddy loved her and knew Santa personal. I don't think my parents knew Santa but it wasn't gonna hurt to ask. When my Daddy got home from work and he had settled into his chair, I ran and jumped into his lap and purred just like our cat. I asked Daddy if he loved me and if he knew Santa personal. Daddy said he loved me but didn't know Santa personally. He did know where to send Santa a letter, on account that he has lived in the same place for a really long time and that I should write him. So I went got my Big Chief and sat at the kitchen table so I could ask Mother how to spell stuff. We both had a hard time with cellophane but she said Santa would understand. She helped me put it in an envelope and address it to Santa. She said letters to Santa didn't need a stamp, which I was happy about, on account I didn't have one. I quick ran to the corner post box, reached up on my toes and slid it down the shoot. Proud of myself, I went back home for supper.
When Xmas rolled around, Daddy said I was fit to be tied, on account I was so excitable. I still had popcorn in my teeth from decorating the tree the night before. The angel I made at school was sitting crooked on top, ready to swoop down if anybody tried stealing my doll. There was never a lot of presents under the tree but each of us usually got one real good thing. Since I knew what I was gettin, I danced around while everybody else opened there's first. Mother came out of the kitchen with corn muffins and honey and about knocked me down in the middle of one of my whirlins. She finally set me down and planted a present in my lap. I looked at it and told her it wasn't mine. She assured me it was and I reassured her it wasn't, on account it was flat. Daddy came over to sit with me and said lets open it together. Sure enough, my name was on it and a note from Santa that said, got your letter, you will like this better. What was that old fatso thinkin? What could be possibly better than a cellophane boxed blondy in a turquoise plaid dress and patten black shoes? When I got it all unwrapped, it turned out to be a paper doll book. There was one stiff old flatty and ten pages of clothes for her to wear. She was not blonde, there were no turquoise dresses, not even black shoes. I was fumin and maybe Mother could smell it cause she offered me a corn muffin. No amount of corn muffins was gonna console me, I needed bacon. I told her so, and we went into the kitchen together. I got the big black pan off the pantry shelf, while mother started slicing long strips off the slab. She always got sugar cured bacon that left a sweet smell in the house all day. She fried it up and gave me two slices. That did the trick.
Mother got out her good scissors and put them on the table in front of me, for incentive I'm thinkin. So I opened the book, cut her out and named her Maizey. I started cutting out her dresses and outfits realizing that if I cut a dress in half, I would have twice as many clothes, a top and a skirt. I quick turned her clamdiggers into shorts, on account we don't have clams where we live and they seemed silly. She was so flat, it made imaginin hard. I quick shot a look at the cat to see if there was some way to attach Maizey to that skanky rat killer. Daddy said she wouldn't sit or stand for it, I wasn't sure. The problem was her clothes didn't stay on very well unless she was still. How can you keep a doll still while she is being at a tea party or chasing after varmits up into trees. Maizey would not survive. I went into the house, put her on the table and went back out in a huff. I knew thirty more minutes in the tree would make me feel better, besides Xmas was just another stupid day. When I got back inside, Mother was workin on that ol' paper doll. She had puffed it up so it was like a pillow. She said all it needed was some backing, stuffing and upholstery thread. She had also put backing on Maizey's clothes and put apron strips so they tied on. She was more like a regular doll now but she would have to wait till tomorrow for the tree test.
When I woke up, Maizey was already dressed and ready to go outside, which was funny, on account I didn't remember doin it. I took Maizey way up in the tree and put her to the test. I yelled Geronimo!, and let her go. She cartwheeled through the branches and smack! hit the ground. I scuttled down and eyeballed that paper doll for signs of damage. She seemed fine. So this was our pattern, playing and damage control. Everyday when I woke up, Maizey had on a new outfit from her collection which had been added to some how, mostly bows or straps to keep them on the dolls body. Now, I am not the brightest bulb in the box, on account of gene runout and I'm the youngest, but I knew Mother was dressin that ol' paper doll. I played along with her like Maizey was dressin herself. One day Mothers sister called and needed help with her kids while she had a procedure, on account of her big nose. Mother said it was call a plastic rhino or something like that. So Mother was gonna spend a few days away. Dad was in charge, which meant cheese toast and macaroni with ketchup. When I woke up the next day Maizey was dressed and ready to go as usual. Now this was a mystery. I played detective and asked my whole family who did it? Nobody fessed up. So I stayed up to watch for the sneak. I started gettin real sleepy and was bored. I snap had a better idea and hid Maizey in the closet. I'm not suppose to curse but hells bells is what Daddy says and I can't think of a better thing to say, on account that Maizey was dressed again in the morning. I did this for two nights puttin her in my best hidey holes. The final straw was hiding her and her clothes. She still turned up dressed the next day. This was crazy.
When the Xmas holiday was over and I had to go back to school, Maizey got put aside. I would play with her when I got home, on account they don't give homework in first grade. When Mother got home, she was very interested in Maizey's dress up. Mother owned up to doin it before but she hadn't left any instructions for Daddy while she was gone. She seemed worried but didn't say anything. Mother started comin into my room to wake me and Maizey in the morning. She got to see first hand what Maizey was doin. She and Daddy took her one night to church and had the minister say a prayer on her. I guess they reckoned that would keep Maizey safe but one of my brothers said it was on account she was a demon doll. This didn't scare me much, on account I didn't scare easy. I just figured if Maizey wanted to dress herself it was less work for me.
Mother had started layin out my clothes when I started school. She said it was so I got ready faster, but I started thinkin if Maizey got to dress herself I should be too. I started pickin my clothes out the night before so I could quick get dressed up in the morning. Mother said to daddy that she had to bite her tongue on some of my combinations. But my Gram said, how is a girl gonna find out her style if she isn't free to explore the depth of her closet. My sister and I shared a closet and when she out grew somethin, she just moved it to my side. So I already knew what looked good and what didn't, on account I had seen it all before on Sissy. Who I should say has no style what so ever. She was always puttin the same colors together, which if you ask me is booorrring. I put different colors together like a I was a bouquet of flowers or at least that's what Daddy called me.
I knew, sooner or later, that my turn for show and tell would come round and sure enough that day came. I looked through all of Maizey's outfits and looked through all of mine to find a match. I settled on a green skirt and an orange top that had been part of a dress for Maizey, and for me a softball t-shirt from my sister. Mother said we were a sight and took a photo for posterior, postular, no, posterity. I asked daddy if he had a suitable box in the garage. He went out and came back in with a shoe box. Mother cut out the top and wrapped the whole thing in cling wrap, the same stuff that holds the jelly in my sandwich for school lunch. It was perfect 'cept for a big ol' price tag, which Mother said would be impolite and no she didn't care what Marcie had. I quick ran to school and got there before everyone else. My teacher asked me if I was OK, on account I was breathing hard and it was the first time I was early. I watched as everyone filed in and took there seats. There was always a lot of chatter before class started and it was when you got to hear all the gossip. Gram said that first graders didn't have much to gossip about but she couldn't remember that far back. It was time. The teacher called roll, we said pledge of allegiance and counted school lunches and bringin lunches from home. Show and Tell! I jumped out of my chair and marched to the front of the class, plopped Maizey on the desk and announced that she was alive.
Everybody started to laugh and the teacher shushed the noise while I was allowed to continue. I went through the whole story Santa letter to today. When I was finished, I walked Maizey up and down the isles just like Marcie. Billy Joe Turner asked the teacher if we were aloud to make stuff up during show and tell. I quick turned to snap at that boy, I was not makin it up. Then a clamor came and everyone set to arguin and shoutin 'bout what show and tell was and if it had rules and if it had rules where was the book for it. The teacher said an imagination was important and that I had followed the rules cause I showed my doll and told about her. Billy Joe Turner was not goin to let it go. He said a doll couldn't be alive and was not gonna believe it on my say so. I went over to Billy Joe Turner and asked him polite if he was callin me a liar. The teacher quick took me by the arm and sent me back to my seat. I think cause he remembered I had brothers and that I would have clocked that boy any minute. Bein the teacher makes you smarter than everyone else, so this is what he proposed. We would undress Maizey and see if she redressed herself anytime during the course of the day. I like that teachers mind and I already knew Maizey could do it, but would she durin the day. She had always done it at night before.
We all went about the business of learnin and the teacher not once looked over at Maizey on the shelf. Poor Maizey, I had to undress her for the experiment. She didn't have any, you know, parts, so I didn't think she would be embarrassed, just cold maybe. We went to lunch thinkin it would happened. You never saw so many kids suckin up mashed potatoes and chicken fried steak so fast. We lined up real fast and almost ran back to the classroom. The teacher stopped us at the door. And waited till we all settled down. I went to my chair but everyone else ran over to the shelf. Nothing. She was still naked. We went too art. The same. Music. The same. I will have you know, I was worried. Finally we went to third recess. I love to swing, and sometimes the teacher has to remind me when recess is over. Course I pretended not to hear the recess bell. When the bell rang, we ran to the door and lined up, again. I went to my seat again and Maizey was on my desk, dressed. Everyone in the classroom had a shocked face, like Gram when she farts in church. I was more surprised she was on my desk, movin was something new. Billy Joe Turner said I sneaked into class while we were all at recess. I hurried up out of my chair to clock that boy, but the teacher said that I had been swingin the whole time. Nobody knew what to say. I just started laughin. Then the whole class started laughin. We finished the day and when three thirty came, the bell rang and they went home. The teacher called me up to his desk and looked at me for a long minute. He said, he didn't do it. I said, I know. He asked if it worried me. I just smiled and took Maizey home. Gram said to me later, when we were both older, that I had great depth to my closet. Sometimes I think she meant I had style. Mostly she meant I was rich and didn't know it.
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